“What is the language you primarily speak at home?” “What is your race?” “What is your ethnicity?” I have encountered these questions countless times amid the empty checkboxes on surveys, questionnaires, and applications. Throughout the years, my answers have been ingrained in my muscle memory; my computer cursor inevitably being drawn to the same three options every time: “English” “Asian” “Filipino-American.”
As someone who grew up in the U.S., I attend a predominantly white school and live in a predominantly white community with limited opportunities for me to connect with my Filipino roots. I only felt the “most” Filipino when I was around my family, eating at our dinner table heaped with plates of adobo or pancit. I never tried to intentionally hide my identity. Since preschool - whenever I’d sing the entirety of Bahay Kubo for a class talent show - I would always try to take an active role in my heritage, and the summer of 2023 provided me with meaningful opportunities to do so.
This past summer, I spent three weeks in the Philippines, during one of which I spent time with my large family in Isabela. I was in the constant presence of many Titos, Titas, Ates, and Kuyas. The other two weeks were spent with the pioneer cohort of the Filipino Young Global Leadership Program. For a total of 15 days, I remained surrounded by other Filipino-Americans my age from the U.S; in total, our numbers added up to 21.
Twenty-one faces, 21 stories, 21 identities.
Our various identities created a complex mosaic of cultural backgrounds, yet we were all the same in one aspect: our Filipino roots. These 21 faces were not just my peers for two weeks, but also my companions, my supporters, and my friends. Throughout our various flights across the Pacific Ocean to Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao, we navigated our identities together, diving into the rich Philippine history and the narratives that surround it. Our days were filled with trips to historical sites, a multitude of museum visits, and immersive excursions. From learning how to dance the Cariñosa and Tinikling, to meeting the Darughayan tribe of Northern Mindanao, I felt my relationship with my heritage grow and take shape; and with every vendor’s call I heard on the streets, or every conversation held with a local student, I felt empowered to face the doubts about my identity head-on. Essentially, being Filipino has become embedded into the layers of my daily life during those two weeks, and I’ve learned to cherish every moment.
Yet, at times, I still experience a disconnect. Walking through the various museums depicting artifacts and moments from Filipino-American history, I would sometimes feel like the glass cases doubled as a barrier between my Filipino heritage and my American identity. However, similar to the flow of the water we swam in at Dumaguete, I grew to reconcile with the fact that my Filipino-American identity is fluid, not stagnant. The unforgettable experiences I gained in the Philippines resonated with my Filipino roots, but they also highlighted the presence of my American identity. By revisiting my roots, I was able to see how far they truly spread – intertwining with my Filipino, American, and Filipino-American characteristics.
It is important to note that when looking up the word ‘Filipino-American,’ the internet will refer to the phrase with and without the hyphen. By using the hyphen, I am able to claim the duality of my roots. I am both Filipino and American–and I am not one without the other.
(The author, Ellyce Butuyan, is a junior high school student from Chevy Chase, Maryland. She is part of the pioneering cohort of The Filipino Young Global Leadership Program of The Philippine Living Heritage Initiative, which gave her the opportunity to travel to the Philippines in 2023 to discover her roots. Open to young Filipino-Americans based in the United States, the program has opened its application for the 2024 cohort - https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc6OKNlKXXmbq7YFSAhvu8ZHYj5wkRd5Mrpz5Kd61m5wvQlTg/viewform. Application runs until January 15, 2024. For more info, visit philippinelivingheritage.org.)
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