‘Pag-iisipan ko nang mabuti. Mag-iisip ako 10 more times. Pero siya pa rin yun. Siya pa rin ang pipiliin ko.”

Rodrigo and Carolina entered into a lifelong commitment just three months after their first date. Having to navigate through life with all their newfound incongruities and idiosyncrasies, they banked on a shared devotion for family, and made patience a non-negotiable rule of thumb.

DECIDING FOREVER IN 90 DAYS

Rodrigo “Rudy” Silla, 84, and Carolina “Lina” Silla, 85, are now 63 years into their marriage, going 64 in March. They have been in a relationship, in total, for 63 years and 3 months. Only needing 90 days before deciding to tie the knot was no easy task by any stretch of imagination, a decision partially prompted by the latter’s conservative upbringing. 

“Nagkakilala kami ng December. By March, kasal na. Three months lang, parang wala pa,” she recalled. “Araw-araw simula nung December, dun na siya nakatira sa bahay namin. Hindi na siya pinaalis ng Papa kasi ikakasal na raw kami,” recalled Carolina, whose father pushed for the marriage after learning that she went on a movie date with Rodrigo.

The two met at a party in Cavite City in 19. Rodrigo, then 21, was an enlisted officer in the Philippine Navy. Carolina, on the other hand, was set on being a housewife at 22. Becoming a wife and a mother has always been her lifelong dream.

“Ay gustong-gusto ko yun, yung may lifetime partner ako, may mga anak - may sarili akong pamilya, kasiyahan,” the 85-year-old Caviteña shared.

It is safe to conclude that the Ilonggo soldier fell in love first. Asked what their first impressions of each other were, he had an immediate answer that came with the most genuine of smiles.

“Nang makita ko ang Mamang, nabighani ako. Dahil ang ganda-ganda niya sa impression ko eh."

Carolina, meanwhile, liked the idea that he is a member of the Navy. She immediately sensed stability, security, and dependability. 

Liking each other was almost instant for Rudy and Lina. They found love at the intersection of infatuation and practicality, and decided on forever without hesitation.

PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES 

A marriage forges two souls together. It is for this reason that Christian weddings proclaim that “the two shall become one flesh.” This is also precisely why conflicts are inevitable, for a union denotes the beginning of a shared responsibility to barrel through life together - come what may, against all odds, and despite major differences. 

Like many things in their married lives — including Rudy’s job as a soldier, and their relatively premature dispositions as a very young couple — things weren't easy.

“Hindi naman namin alam sa isa’t isa na ganun kami, nagkaalaman lang kami nung nagpakasal na. Habang tumatagal, doon namin nakikita na magkaiba pala kami,” said Carolina. 

Their personalities clashed in many key respects. For one, she is a loud and verbose communicator, often speaking her mind more than she should. He is timid and soft-spoken, sharing his feelings so sparingly, most times to a fault. 

Open dialogue was catastrophic during their younger years. To add insult to injury, Carolina struggled with Rodrigo’s drinking and smoking tendencies. 

“Nung kasal na kami, doon ko lang nalaman na no-talk pala siya. Ang hirap. At hindi ko rin naman alam na ganun pala siya mag-bisyo,” she said, further detailing how, in some instances, she contemplated on leaving him because of her frustration over his vices.

But Lina stayed. Her priority was her kids, whom she treasures more than anything in the world. She prioritized preserving the family, even when it took every ounce of patience she could muster. “Naisip ko - may tatlong anak ako na gusto kong alagaan na may tatay sila. Kaya lahat ng pasensiya na kaya kong ibigay, ibinigay ko.”

As more marriage dents continued to surface, a common denominator became apparent: that they wanted their family intact more than whatever conflict and misunderstanding they had. For the Navy man, it’s the one thing that kept him sane and grounded. For the housewife, it’s a lifelong dream to be a wife and a mother. 

LOVE: A TWO-WAY STREET

Rodrigo and Carolina mustered a lot of courage and devotion to be able to find an unlimited supply of patience. I asked them how they weathered all their marriage storms, and they were almost in unison when they answered “kailangan talaga, give and take.”

They both shared how arguments are inevitable in relationships. Many say that a partnership is just choosing one’s fault over another, and in their case, giving and taking patience was of paramount importance when overcoming woes. 

“Give and take lang. Give and take. Kung ano ang nagpapasaya sa kaniya, sinusubukan kong pagbigyan. Kung ano yung nagpapasaya sa akin, pinagbibigyan niya,” Rudy said.

It also helped that Lina was such an affectionate and forgiving partner.

“Ako lagi ang nagpapakumbaba at nagpapasensiya. Kini-kissan ko pa yan kahit magkaaway kami. Paanong kami hindi magtatagal ng 60 plus years?” she asked rhetorically. 

A key trait she appreciated the most was his ability and willingness to be a good provider - a conventional standard expected from whom society considers as ‘head of the household.’

“Palagi niyang tinitingnan kung ano yung pangangailangan namin. At palagi niyang priority ang convenience ng tatlo naming anak,” she recalled.

“Good provider siya. Kung ano yung gusto ko sa aming buhay, yung diskarte ko sa pamilya, hinahayaan niya ako. Pinapaubaya niya sa akin at pinagkakatiwalaan niya ako,” the 85-year-old added.

POINTERS FROM 63 YEARS 

I asked them for words of wisdom and advice to young couples of this generation. Carolina’s excitement was palpable. Her top suggestion was nothing extraordinary, possibly the most conventional yet profoundly useful piece of advice: couples must give and take.

“Love is a many-splendored thing. Magbigayan. Pagbigyan ang isa’t isa, kung ano ang kailangan ng partner, dapat ibigay natin, hanggang sa kaya,” she said. 

“Kailangan, kapag mainit ang ulo ng isa, magpakumbaba muna yung isa. Kailangan magkasundo. Mag-usap nang maayos para malaman niyo ang mali ng isa’t isa,” he added.

They fervently advised that couples must have deep knowledge of their partners before deciding to tie the knot. “Kailangan bago kayo pumunta sa marriage - alamin ninyo muna ang ugali ng isa’t isa. Alamin muna ang mga bisyo, mga ugaling hindi matanggal, ang likes, ang dislikes.”

DESTINY’S DECISION

Carolina and Rodrigo had more differences than similarities. There were more reasons to break up than there were to stick together, but they managed to pull off an upset. 

They think it is destiny.

“Destiny kami talaga. Talagang totoo, noh?” she looked at him with intent. 

“Destiny natin yung isa’t isa, kasi mabilis man yung desisyon natin na magsama, tayo pa rin talaga hanggang ngayon eh. Three months lang kasal na tayo, pero 64 years na sa March - hindi ba ‘yun ang destiny?” he said in a deep, assuring voice.