T.O.P opens up on departure from BIGBANG: 'I felt I had no right to stay'

Nearly two years since he left BIGBANG, former member T.O.P has finally spoken up about his departure from the K-pop group.

According to a report by Soompi, the rapper and actor sat down with South Korea press to talk about his role in “Squid Game” Season 2, and also opened up about his former group.

T.O.P said he often imagines the moment where he and his ex-members reunite and express support to one another.

“I do imagine it a lot—[situations where] we give each other blessings,” he said.

He then said that he left the group in 2023 because he felt guilty.

“Honestly, I just carry a lifelong sense of guilt. I left because I felt I had no right to stay. All I feel is that I’m just deeply sorry,” he said.

Reflecting on the past issues he had in his 30s where he endured “intense shame and self-contempt,” he said those years felt like "lost time."

“I found healing through creating music, and I want to share that music with others,” T.O.P said.

As he is pushing 40, the rapper said he hopes to live “as a responsible and stable man, just like any ordinary young person in Korea.”

“I plan to focus on maintaining a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and fostering positive thoughts. I want to live a life where, when I wake up in the morning, there are no negative articles about me on the news portals,” he added.

T.O.P debuted along with G-Dragon, Taeyang, Daesung and ex-member Seungri in BIGBANG in 2006.

In 2017, he was sentenced to 10 months in prison after he was found guilty of marijuana use, which is illegal in South Korea.

Coincidentally, his character Thanos in the hit K-drama series is a rapper who joined the game after his career is ruined by drug addiction and unsuccessful cryptocurrency investments, leaving him heavily indebted.

In the same interview, T.O.P said he had a “lot of concerns” in playing Thanos because of his past mistakes.

“It was because of my past mistakes and the parts where I had to confront my own shame. I worried a lot, thinking that my image might become permanently associated with this. But somehow, I felt that being given such a role, almost like it was fate, might have a deeper meaning. So, I filmed an audition video and sent it to the production company. The director liked it and arranged a meeting with me,” he said. —Jade Veronique Yap/JCB, GMA Integrated News