The last of glory days: The wishes of the elders in their remaining years

Some elders are unfortunate not to have the presence of their families during their final days. Just like the grandmothers I recently met in a quiet nursing home in Laguna, they have nowhere else to go but to find welfare in a place that can give them the same love and utmost care every old person should get. They are the ‘forgotten, abandoned and left behind.’

The home for the aged
 

Mary Mother of Mercy Home for the Elderly and Abandoned, founded in 1997, is a private nursing home located in the City of San Pedro, Laguna and is managed by the Sisters of St. Francis Xavier, with a group composed of three Myanmar nationals and a Filipina.

“Sa ngayon, we have 19 lolas. Kami na ang nag-aalaga sa kanila. Pinapakain, binibihisan, pinapasaya namin sila,” said Directress Sister Venus Marie S. Pegar, SFX.

Majority of the elders were endorsed by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD). Some were brought by concerned individuals, while others decided to enter the foundation and stay there for good.
 

The home has complete facilities and equally distributed wards. It is financially maintained by the members of the foundation including its founder, Dra. Mercedes Oliver. And the efforts given by the charity workers who visit regularly are huge help to provide their basic needs such as food, clothing and medication.

“Masaya ako ‘pag may bumibisita rito sa amin. Tinutulungan nila kami. Binibigyan nila kami ng mga gamit,” said one of the lolas.

Once upon a lola’s life

Inside the four corners of the house lies different stories that every lola is very eager to tell. Such stories about how happy they were with their families back then, stories of their proud accomplishments from their previous work and stories of how they got into the nursing home.

At the day of my visit, it was past noon and everyone was enjoying their lunch in an open-space, covered area where visitors can get acquainted with them.

However, not so distant was 62-year old Greta Caangay who was alone in the sleeping ward. The door beside her was intendedly left open, just enough for her to see and hear everyone outside.
 

I asked, “‘Nay, ayaw n’yo po bang lumabas? Nandoon po [sa visitor’s area] ang ibang mga lola.”

“Hindi ako makatayo eh. Dito lang ako sa kama palagi. Kapag umuupo ako, sumasakit na kaagad ang balakang ko,” Lola Greta replied in dismay.

She is already bedridden. She has weaker bones compared to other elders in the house.

I chose not to leave and we just started a tearful conversation.
 

According to her, she suffered extreme burns from the lahar flow that occurred during the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo in Pampanga in 1991.

“Naapakan ko noon ‘yung bato. Hindi ko alam na mainit pala. Nalapnos ‘yung mga paa ko pero buti na lang ay nakatakbo pa ako papalayo at nakaligtas ako,” she added.

She survived the tragedy but some members of her family did not. She described it as one of the most painful memories that she carries until now.

Despite her dark past, Lola Greta couldn’t be any prouder to talk about being once a singer in a bar in Pampanga decades ago.

“Nakakatuwa dahil marami ang pumapalakpak sa akin sa tuwing kumakanta ako. Sikat nga ako noon eh!” she recalled laughing.

Lola Greta is the youngest among the nineteen others yet she was the weakest. As each day goes by, she spent all her time on her bed. She never really got a chance to hang out with the other lolas.

“Sa totoo lang, malungkot na palagi lang ako [nakahiga] rito. Pero hindi ko iniisip ‘yun. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako at inaalagaan nila kami,” she said.

She wanted to give her biggest thanks to Sister Venus, the reason why she was able to enter the nursing home.

The lolas of the same fate

After I left Lola Greta, more stories touched me as I met the other residents of the house.

According to Lola Virginia, 75 years old, she was the one who decided to grow old here.

“Mas pinili ko nang tumanda rito. Wala rin naman akong asawa o anak na mag-aalaga sa akin.”

She said that she wasn’t able to marry the one that she loves because her grandparents didn’t want to. As she grew older, she became drunk and led a wasteful life. But not until she entered the house that she learned the value of life along with having a healthy lifestyle.

Eighty-year old Lola Luciana or better known as “Nanay Lucy” has a similar story. She was a native from Zamboanga del Norte and worked as a housemaid for a very long time.
 

“Hindi na’ko nakapag-asawa eh. Nagtrabaho na lang ako para makatulong sa pamilya ko sa Zamboanga,” explains Nanay lucy.

“May asawa ka na ba? Ilan na anak mo?” she kept asking me repeatedly.

“Hindi pa po eh,” I replied every time.

I noticed that Nanay Lucy was a bit forgetful of some words she previously said. We might think of old people as being “makulit” but that became more of a way I understand her situation better.

“Noong bata pa po kayo, gusto n’yo rin po bang magkaroon ng sarili ninyong pamilya?” I asked her.

“Oo naman. Siyempre,” she answered with a regretful tone.

In the case of 74-year old Lola Rosita, she chose to stay single for the rest of her life. She said that she had several suitors before but kept on rejecting them.
 

Within her entire life, she stayed together with her sister’s own family in a single roof. But when Lola Rosita suffered from severe arthritis, they decided to get her adopted by the nursing home instead due to the fact they cannot afford her medications anymore.

“Naiintindihan ko naman ‘yung kapatid ko kung hindi nila ako kayang alagaan. Isang kahig, isang tuka sila eh. Pero sa totoo lang, nagdaramdam pa rin ako,” said Lola Rosita.

“Paano po kung pabalikin kayo ng kapatid n’yo sa tahanan nila?” I asked.

She replied right away, “Hindi na ako babalik doon. Sabi ko sa loob ko, magsasarili na lang ako. Dito na lamang ako tatanda at mamamatay.”

Lola Virginia, Nanay Lucy and Lola Rosita seem to have the same fate. They grew old, stayed single, got no one to look after them. In spite of that, they are lucky to have found a new home here.

A house full of wishes

Classic author George Eliot once said, “It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.”

During the interview, it seemed that each of them are full of unheard and ungranted wishes. It’s like they have been collecting their wishes as each year goes by, as their gray hair grows even more and as their bones get even weaker.
 

My heart was absolutely struck when I finally heard their wishes.
 

“Sana ay tumagal pa ang buhay nila [ng mga madre],” Lola Greta sincerely wished for the nuns who gave their entire lives taking care of them.

Lola Virginia wished for the nuns too, “Sana ay huwag magkasakit ang mga madre.”

For Nanay Lucy, she wished nothing but the best for all the other elders, “Maging masaya lang silang lahat, masaya na rin ako.”

“Ang tanging wish ko ay mananatili na lang ako rito kasama ang mga madre. Dahil sobrang napakabait nila sa amin,” said Lola Rosita with happiness in her face.

It was touching to know what the heartfelt wishes of the elders really are. They may not be wishing for money or any material thing but just to have a good life together with other good people around them.

The givers of love and care
 

Sister Venus Marie S. Pegar, SFX, 38, was the only Filipino nun among other administrators in the home for the elderly and abandoned. She is well-known by the elders as ‘kind-hearted, considerate and helpful and loving.’

While conducting my interview, I was surprised to know for a fact that she is also a painter.
 

“‘Yung kinikita ko sa mga paintings ko is not for myself. I donate it para sa foundation, para sa mga elders dito,” Sister Venus said.

She strongly believed that apart from her mission to take care of the elderly, her other mission was to use her talent to help the poor and those in need.

Aside from the nuns, I also met some student caregivers who were already about to finish their internship as part of their community immersion.
 

Elsie Gomez, 53 years-old, said “Noong unang beses namin sila (mga lola) ma-meet, napaisip agad kami kung kakayanin ba namin ito.”

While for 24-year old Criselda Casin, “Naantig talaga ang puso ko noong una ko silang makita.”

According to them, taking care of old people is not really easy. It was something you have to be passionate about.

“Kami ang naglalaba ng mga damit nila. Inaalalayan namin sila kapag maliligo, magbibihis at kakain sila. May oras kami na dapat punuhin araw-araw pero kung maaari, nag-i-stay kami. Tinatapos talaga namin ang lahat ng gawain,” Elsie explained.

Fortunately, in a span of only a month they were able to understand and get along very well with the nuns and elders.

Elsie added,  “Napakahirap pala kapag ganoon na napalapit ka na sa mga elders.”

They already considered them as family, like their own relatives who are seeking for some love and need to be taken care of.

Teary-eyed Ruby Ann Tejada, 26 years old, said, “Kung matututunan mo lang kung ano ang kanilang nararamdaman, maiintindihan mo rin kung ano ang kanilang pinagdaraanan.”

Before we parted ways, they have a few words to everyone:

“Palaging ninyong iisipin kung ano ang mararamdaman n’yo kapag kayo ang nasa posisyon nila.”
 

For those who want to donate, the foundation is greatly in need of rice, powdered laundry soap, bleach, fabric conditioner, mosquito and insect spray, baking soda, large and extra-large diapers, underwears, baby oil, cologne, mild lotion, cooking oil, seasoning mix and vinegar. For medicines, needed are co-amoxiclav or antibiotics, mefanamic acid and tramadol or pain relievers.

Address: 48 R. Magsaysay Rd., Brgy. San Antonio, San Pedro, Laguna

For those who want to purchase paintings by Sister Venus, you can visit her Facebook page or contact her at: 0917-981-2638.

---BMS/GMA Public Affairs