Minsan kailangan maging delulu?! Mga healthy diskarte sa pagtupad ng delulu dreams

Delulu is the solulu!

"Being delusional is not a big leap of faith all the time. It starts with the smallest of steps."

Nakatanggap noon ng non-admission letter sa Masters program ang content creator at psychometrician na si Justine Danielle Reyes — mula mismo sa ating host at "safe space" na si Doc Anna.

Pero imbes na mawalan ng loob, ginamit niya raw itong sign para maging delulu at mas mapalapit sa kanyang mga pangarap.

Sa pinakabagong episode ng Share Ko Lang, panoorin kung paano nga ba naging solusyon sa kanyang mga problema ang pagiging delulu ni Justine.

DOC ANNA: Hello, mga Kapuso! Ako si Dr. Anna Tuazon, ang inyong kakuwentuhan na psychologist sa Share Ko Lang.

May mga pangarap ba kayong iniisip na malabong matupad? Nasabihan na ba kayong "delulu" dahil
imposible mangyari ang mga gusto mo?

Para sa mga Gen Z, reaching for their delulu dreams na raw ang kanilang goals. 'Yan ang pag-uusapan natin today kasama ang content creator na si Justine Danielle Reyes or si Dani. Hello, Dani! Welcome to Share Ko Lang.

DANI: Hi, Doc Anna! Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited.

DOC ANNA: So 'yung delulu, kasi ako, dalawang konteksto ko riyan, and admittedly, hindi Gen Z ang
konteksto ko. So I'll need your help so we can understand.

Siyempre 'yung konteksto ko, one is from a psychiatric standpoint. So mayroon tayong parang psychiatric definition. Not so much delulu, the term, but where it comes from, which is a delusion.

 'Yung isa kong konteksto, Dani, actually is from K-Pop. So as a fan and as a stan, mayroon tayong mga tinatawag na 'yun na nga, parang medyo delulu in the sense of nagpa-fantasize, parang nangangarap na parang, 'Uy, baka may chance ako ganyan sa aking mga idol.' So tell us what you mean by "delulu".

DANI: So tama nga po, Doc, na originally, "delulu" was a term coined in the K-Pop fandom. I think this was in the early 2010s, sometime around 2013 to 2014. 'Yung mga napapansin nilang mga fan na very enthusiastic about their idols, natatawag silang delulu in a derogatory sense na parang, "Ang unrealistic mo naman masyado when it comes to admiring your idols, na parang iniisip mo na, ina-assume mo na na, oh, you're gonna get married, you're gonna end up with your idol."

But as we've seen over time, lalo na po na sa TikTok, on short-form platforms, a lot of people have now
changed the meaning of the word "delulu". Na parang kino-opt na nila 'yung term na "delusional". And we're seeing it now in the self-development side of social media, na kung saan may mga young content
creator around my age who say that "delulu is the solulu" ika nga, na when it comes to aspiring for more, when it comes to trying to dream of a better life for oneself, 'yun na 'yung nagiging mantra ng karamihan ng Gen Z.

And I think napapansin ko lang ito sa mga madalas na online, 'yun 'yung understanding nila of what it
means to be delulu. And like you, I have a background in psychology, so 'yun din 'yung una kong understanding of delusional. Like in a clinical sense, it's not something to be proud of.

DOC ANNA: Now, in your TED Talk, if it's okay, I'm curious about something you shared personally. Parang you showed na actually according to your friends, isa ka sa, 'di ba, parang ikaw 'yung pinaka, I guess you didn't use the word delulu, 'no? But ikaw 'yung pinaka-delusional sa kanila. So I'm curious, in what way are you delulu, Dani?

DANI: I just think I've always been the most optimistic friend na ako 'yung go-to kapag kailangan nila ng
pep talk, if they need words of encouragement and if they're trying to aim for something that they feel is
beyond their comfort zone, ako talaga 'yung pinaka-nagche-cheer sa kanila.

And siyempre, when people don't really believe in themselves and they feel that 'yung chine-cheer ko sa kanila parang ang layo sa reality, parang ang impossible na magkatotoo, kaya lang ako natawag na delusional because they kind of don't believe in themselves and I do the job of like pushing them to believe in themselves. So 'yun naman. Grounded pa naman po ako sa reality ko.

DOC ANNA: Sabi ko nga, parang I think, para maintindihan, 'no, ano 'yung meaning ng delulu ngayon? Parang mas better na lang na isantabi, huwag na natin ihambing du'n sa clinical. Kasi ibang-iba talaga 'yun, e. 'Di ba?

'Pag sa clinical kasi, ang delusional, we're talking about physical reality, meaning nakakalipad ako, nakakabasa ako ng minds ng ibang tao. And from what I understand in how you're trying to explain, parang you're just talking about it's very socially improbable 'yung mga gusto ng mga tao.

Kung sa generation ko, Dani, ang tawag namin diyan, mga suntok sa buwan. 'Di ba? Mga pangarap mo, suntok sa buwan. Medyo mahirap marating, very unlikely.

So 'yung meaning ng delulu, para for you, very optimistic 'di ba. Parang may aspirations, may mga
gustong marating.

Ano 'yung mga common delulu dreams, so to speak, na mga Gen Z ngayon?

DANI: Alam mo, Doc, feeling ko talaga bare minimum 'yung mga delulu dream ng mga tao.

DOC ANNA: So hindi siya actually that ambitious?

DANI: It's not that ambitious. Sometimes they just want to get their bills paid. They want to live a comfortable life. They want to move out of their parents' households. But all these things require socioeconomic resources that a lot of emerging adults may have very little of or nothing at all.

I think at the end of the day, we really have to consider what barriers exist for young adults na nagre-
result sa kanila sa pag-iisip na, 'Ah, this doesn't feel realistic, na parang it feels delusional to even want a better life for myself.'

DOC ANNA: 'Yun 'yung socioeconomic reality, like for you, Dani, I guess, you know, parang in what ways na na-realize mo, "Teka, parang hindi na, parang 'yung reality of, 'di ba, the economic reality is so unreal." 'Yun, 'yun, e. Parang ano 'yung mga barrier? 'Di ba, sinabi mo, for you, in terms of parang
you're having a career now, you're doing all of these things. Mayroon ka bang na-experience ikaw mismo na parang 'yung hindi pa rin? I'm curious. Do you feel you can't move out? Have your house?

DANI: Actually po, I moved out of my childhood home a couple of years ago. Pero bumalik din po ako like recently. Because apart from my lease ending, I realized that I had to save again because moving out is really expensive. And I work in QC so magastos po talaga 'yung cost of living in a very big city.

Tapos ano pa, panganay din po ko. So as the eldest daughter, I had to be a breadwinner for the first three years of me working.

Before I got into testing and research po, kasi naging high school teacher po ako at a private school, but I was very underpaid. Tapos pandemic po po nu'n. And I realized that I wasn't getting paid enough kasi covered ko 'yung gastusin sa bahay. Tapos halos wala akong nase-save at all.

It was only after I started looking for a new job and found a career na nga in testing and research na du'n medyo slowly ako nakapaghanap ng extra resources so that I could save, I could earn. And eventually that led me to doing content to educating others online and like taking on different side hustles para lang din ma-sustain ko, not just my own lifestyle but to also support my family.

And ayun nga po dahil nga sa social media, mas nagiging open din 'yung mga taong kaedad ko about
their realities, about what they're going through. I'm part of different Facebook groups of young adults who share about their experiences, from eldest daughters wanting to figure out a life for themselves, to young adults trying to understand, like what kinds of careers could I possibly pursue given the current state of the world.

But I understand that I'm not that unique enough to have a very original experience. At the end of the day, as a Filipino who's part of a collective culture, naiintindihan ko kung anong pinagdadaanan ko, kung anong struggles na mayroon ako socio-economically. Alam kong may makakaintindi rin sa akin. And I'm so happy to know through the internet, through the reaction sa talk ko, nag-resonate din sa mga tao.

DOC ANNA: So, personally, what did you have to be delulu about to achieve the things that you want? And of course, I'm sure there are still dreams you want to go for. So yeah, what did you have to be delulu about to get to where you are now?

DANI: Actually, Doc, a lot. I had to be delulu about so many things.

I've always, ever since I started doing speaking engagements, I knew that I wanted to teach kahit na psych na 'yung background ko. And so, when I started looking for a job, kasi kakakuha ko lang ng psychometrician license ko noong 2018, I had to be delusional about getting a job in teaching kasi all these job offerings were like, 'Oh, you need to have a teaching license.' And I was like, 'Okay, I'll still try."

And then eventually, I landed the job like three months in, which maikling oras na pala 'yun for someone my age, because I thought that was a long time na. And then, I think that was the first sa career ko.

I've also had to be delusional during the pandemic, especially 2020 na parang 'Oo, matatapos din 'to. Makikita ko rin 'yung mga friends ko." At that time, we didn't see the end in sight, kasi wala pang vaccine noon. Maraming ECQ, MCQ, GCQ terms. It was so easy to just spiral and accept na, 'Hala, baka hanggang dito na lang talaga 'yung 20s ko na nasa bahay lang ako.' Then eventually that happened.

And when I started looking for a new job, I really wanted na sa school setting na ako going to college,
like from high school to college. So talagang inisip ko siya, dapat college na ako mag-a-apply for work. And luckily, I got it because I was being delusional about it kahit na a lot of job postings said na I needed like two to three years of experience in education. And pati po 'yung pag-apply ko sa MA, sa UP. I got a non-admission first in my first application because I applied for the clinical program.

DOC ANNA: Is this me?

DANI: Yes. I was going to mention this. But actually, Doc, your non-admission letter to me, it really changed things for me because I really expected last year na mag-i-start na po ako mag-
MA sa clinical site.

But then, the non- admission letter was a sign for me na, okay, I have to be delusional about this
kasi alam kong, alam kong meant ako sa MA Psych. It's more of, hindi ko siya tanggap. It's more of like, this is not the end.

So I took those pieces of advice that you wrote to heart na I have to test my commitment to psychology, I have to explore other fields to look at kung saan ba talaga ako meant.

So, as a result po noon, 'yung non-admission letter po na 'yun, du'n po ako nag-start mag-TikTok. Du'n po ako nag-start gumawa ng content on mental health. Because kating-kati na po ako magturo ulit. And then, that led to so many opportunities in the last year.

And that even led to getting invited for the TEDx talk. And eventually, ayun, natanggap na rin po ako sa UP. So things have worked out because I was being delusional or optimistic enough na things would pan out the way I wanted to.

DOC ANNA: And so, in a way, wow, kasama pala ako sa story na 'yan, Dani.

I'm glad, I'm glad, personally, I'm glad that you realize the alternate of that, the detour, so to speak. Parang it opened up so much more. So I'm personally glad na hindi ako 'yung nangharang sa dreams mo.

At the same time, I think parang 'yung story na 'yun, may distinction 'di ba? Kasi hindi naman 'yung pagka-delulu meaning, parang hindi, ba sa akin to? Parang 'di ba? Parang 'yung sinabi mo nga sa TED Talk mo, is this entitlement? Hindi naman. More of, go for it. 'Di ba? Go for it.

Parang the worst kasi is if you never tried. Or the worst is if you never explored. Ano 'yung limits? Can I push the boundaries of this so-called reality? 'Di ba? And kung hindi nag-work, and then 'yun nga, hanap ka ng ibang end, 'di ba, ng ibang way. Hanap ka ng other ways.

What are the things now that you know, like, okay, it works out, 'di ba? Parang as long as I am delulu about this. And when we say delulu, hindi irresponsible about it, right? Like, okay. In other words, paninindigan ko, gusto ko, I'm gonna go for it. 'Di ba? I'm not gonna let any opportunity pass by. 'Yun ang naririnig ko, eh. So, what is the next delulu for you?

DANI: I think, like, when it comes to being delulu talaga, parang you have to exercise a good amount of flexibility. Like what you said kanina, Doc, na parang a lot of people assume na it's entitlement, na, "Hindi, gusto ko 'to, e, kaya pipilitin natin." I've been that hard-headed in the past and it hurt me in more ways than one. So siyempre, naging learning experience na 'yun sa akin na ipipilit ko na this one specific way is the only way, talagang 'yung pagiging delulu na 'yun, it would be harmful.

But as I've learned over the years na when I open myself up to different opportunities, like given the various experiences that I shared, na if I start to see na, okay, Plan A didn't work, there's plan B. Like, if alam mo naman 'yung gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo, if may north star ka naman, if may pangarap ka na this is how you want your life to turn out, you're going to try as many options as possible.

And I think another remarkable thing that you said, Doc, is how you really have to try talaga. Like, really exercise all options. They feel like things are out of their reach kasi nakakalimutan nilang may choice pala sila.

DOC ANNA: And so parang 'yun na nga... parang in other words, hindi ko ili-limit ang sarili ko. Kung babanggain ko 'yung reality, so be it. 'Di ba? If reality slows me down or tells me, "Okay, hindi ka puwede riyan. You have to try another way." So that's, in a way, I know even in your TED Talk, parang don't try to find other words to delulu. It's just delulu. At the same time, maybe as a non-Gen Z,
as a millennial, parang 'yun na nga, parang, you know, parang don't constrain yourself. 'Di ba?

Reality is hard enough, actually. 'Di ba? Reality is gonna have many roadblocks and challenges for us. Mayroong mga path that require so much patience and sometimes just a lot of waiting for the opportunity to come. So it's already so limited. Dadagdagan mo pa, ili-limit mo 'yung sarili mo. So kunwari, ay, hindi na lang akong mag-a- apply sa UP, ang hirap niyan, eh. 'Di ba? Parang gano'n. Or hindi na lang akong mag-a-apply sa job na 'yun kasi gusto nila ng maraming experience. When actually, the mere fact of applying, I hope in your case, like in our program, was the experience that you need. 'Di ba? Because it gave you a sense, "Ah, ito pala 'yung kailangan kong i-build up pa, et cetera.

Now, delulu in a relationship, that's at least two people, if not more. Could you tell me a little bit, ikaw ba have you ever had to be delulu in a relationship?

DANI: Oy, of course. Of course, Doc. Like, may times talaga in relationships where it took me longer to leave, I tried to fool myself or had to be delusional na, hindi, magbabago pa 'to. Like, things would look up. But then eventually, I'd realize na, "Oh, things aren't going to work out no matter how much you believe in it because a relationship will always take two people if not more".

And we're also seeing this in how people pursue romantic prospects na parang some of them kailangan nila maging delulu para mapansin sila ng crush nila or para this talking stage 'ika nga leads to an actual full-blown relationship.

And i think common din siya among women. I think more common among women to be delusional about their partners. Lalo na sa mga hetero normative relationships that they have to be delusional about their partners changing, their partners, their male partners being, like, stepping up and being better for them.

And so we're seeing, we've seen this time and time again in previous generations. I don't think Gen Z is the only one experiencing this. Parang unique lang 'yung term na ginagamit namin.

But these are sentiments that have been echoed in the past na, and it's just, Gen Z is like finding this to be a term na all-encompassing siya. And, ayun, I think when it comes to thinking of what kind of relationship people want to be in, du'n pumapasok 'yung pagiging delusional na, "Oh, I want a partner that's like this. I want my partner specifically to behave like this."

And sometimes, 'yung delusions na 'yun, they come to life because maybe you communicate, maybe you let them know that this is how you want your relationship to look like. But also, there are people who...they stay stuck in their heads na parang, ito kasi 'yung pinapangarap ko. Tapos magtataka sila bakit hindi nagbabago 'yung partner nila kasi walang effort or walang communication ang nagaganap. Walang conflict resolution skills du'n sa relationship kaya hanggang pangarap na lang, hanggang delusion na lang 'yung ideal relationship na lang para sa sarili nila.

DOC ANNA: I think I'm starting to understand na at least the way kasi siyempre ako, I have to admit, hindi ko maalis talaga 'yung psychologist hat, 'Dani? Kasi in the sense of, I wanna make sure how do we set people up for success? 'Di ba? And na-achieve nila 'yung mga pangarap nila by being delulu.

And how do we avoid any pitfalls and risks associated with this sort of parang strategy siya eh. 'Di ba? Parang mantra nga. 'Di ba? Sabi mo, it's a mantra. It's a way of affirmation, a way of visioning what you want.

Okay ang delulu when 'yung pagiging delulu mo emboldens you to be more active. 'Di ba? Parang you go, you know, you try to actively solve, 'di ba? Overcome the barriers, try to figure out. So in a relationship, kasi ito 'yung gusto ko, iko-communicate ko na ito 'yung gusto ko. Hindi ako tatanggap ng lower than those standards that I want, 'di ba?

Pero kasi, 'yun na nga, parang on the other side of that, 'di ba, especially, delulu in a relationship, it can lead people na... Ang worry ko, Dani, is can they get stuck in bad or toxic or abusive relationships? Kasi hindi nila nare-realize, "Okay, kailangan ko na tanggapin 'yung katotohanan. May limits itong relationship na 'to. Parang my partner cannot do what I need them to do in this relationship."

So I think the difference, tama ba, Dani, parang I just thought about that na if the delulu keeps them passive because they're clinging on to delulu rather than actively working this reality towards their dreams.

DANI: I think 'yun nga Doc 'yung difference ng pathological na delusion. It keeps you stubborn, it keeps you fixated on a particular dream that you have. 'Yung delusion na healthy would actually encourage you to exercise your decision-making, to allow you to take more initiatives.

I think well, based on personal experience, parang mas nag-improve 'yung quality of life ko when I started to remind myself constantly through small actions na I can make choices, I can make decisions for myself na that are inspired by my delusions na, "Sige, I want to start making content or I want to get more side hustles. So I'll start behaving in a way na I already have it."

So I guess, ayun, parang you really have to let these beliefs that you have, no matter how unrealistic you feel, they have to push you to do something. Hindi 'yung magde-daydream ka lang all day na, 'Oh, ito 'yung life na gusto kong ma-achieve,' tapos wala kang ginagawa. Then I think doon na papasok 'yung clinical na perspective of being delusional.

DOC ANNA: So delulu alone is not enough to achieve your dreams. 'Di ba? Parang it's delulu plus active action, plus diskarte, plus, parang sabi mo nga, have a Plan B, have a Plan C. Persistence is not doing Plan A over and over again. Parang 'Hindi, this is what I have.' So you just keep doing the same thing over and over again. It's to say, 'I want this enough and I know I deserve this enough. Hahanap ako ng iba't ibang paths towards what I want.'

So in a way, diskarte is identifying that there's something that you want, that even if mukhang maraming balakid, maraming barriers, you know what? It's worth, 'di ba, it's worth pursuing. Even if reality says, 'Hoy! Masyado naman yata ang mataas or masyado naman improbable.'

DANI: Parang I hope that people would find what we have in common. It's that we all know that life is hard. And instead of discouraging an entire generation from using the term delulu, sana mas intindihin natin 'yung perspective na 'yun. And give them tips or give them encouragement that life, it may not get better but it can be different. It's not always gonna be like this but things can change and you can exercise your autonomy, para hopefully, that would lead you to the kind of life that you want.

DOC ANNA: I think 'yun na nga, kasi I think 'yung disservice na sa ganitong topic na 'to is if we get stuck in semantics. 'Di ba? If we get stuck at the word itself. And in fact, what's more important, 'yung natutunan ko sa 'yo ngayon, Dani, is ano ba talagang... you know, it's giving me and hopefully a lot of people a glimpse into paano ba nagko-cope ang mga tao, not just Gen Z, but 'di ba, especially for Gen Z?

Parang delulu as a way of coping. And it means, parang 'yun na nga, parang if reality says you can't, parang okay, 'Okay, and?" Hindi natin, hindi tayo magpapatigil dahil doon. Hahanap tayo nang hahanap ng paraan kasi posible naman. There's a wider reality than we actually know. And especially kung sa social media, social media shows a very specific slice of reality. And so there's so much more to that.

So for sa mga taong medyo, 'yun na nga, parang masyado namang defeating ang reality ko ngayon. 'Di ba? Parang masyadong maraming hindi puwedeng gawin, hindi puwedeng makamit. It's so hard. Sabi mo nga, ang simple na mga gusto ng mga tao, ang pangarap nila is they just want to live their lives, go to the next step. 'Di ba? Design the life they want to have. So what can you say to people na parang, ah, masyado na akong nababaon ng realidad?

DANI: I think you can set reality aside for a while. Lalo na if 'yun lang 'yung pinaka-inisip mo parati.

Three years ago was my last depressive spiral na talagang hindi ako umaalis ng kama. Like, I was really in bed all day. And it was like the height of my depression. And what really got me out of it was that little sliver of hope that I had na things would get better.

And slowly, in-acknowledge ko 'yung hope na 'yun na parang maybe things can get better. Na parang hindi ako destined na dito lang ako sa kama ko all day. And being delusional is not a big leap of faith all the time. I think it starts with the smallest of steps. It's learning to remember that you can make choices that can drastically change your life in the next year, in the next six months even.

This year po, share ko lang na nag-start na ako maging consistent sa gym. I've been lifting weights very consistently na and I'm starting to see progress na right now. I'm kind of thanking myself back then earlier this year na "Buti na lang talaga I showed up. Buti na lang I started kahit nu'ng time na 'yun, hindi ko nakikita 'yung posibleng mangyari."

And so when it comes to being delusional, I think i's really reminding myself na kahit nakaka-depress din isipin 'yung reality minsan, I have to set that aside. I have to acknowledge it. Sige, ganito 'yung circumstances ko right now. But I won't let myself get defeated by it na sana magamit ko pa siyang motivation to do better, to find what kind of life I'd like to live. And if you're not satisfied with your current reality, at least you know what you don't want. And that's one step closer to knowing what it is that you want and to figuring out how you can get there.

DOC ANNA: So thank you so much, Dani. And well, you know, thank you for sharing with us today.

DANI: I had so much fun. It was a pleasure chatting with you about this.