Stressed ka ba? Kain ka muna! Usapang emotional eating

Tuwang-tuwa tayo sa mga video ng mga mukbang challenge. Pati nga Pinoy celebrities, nakiuso na rin.

Pero alam n'yo bang nagsimula pala ang mukbang bilang solusyon sa lungkot nang pagkain mag-isa?

Kung bakit, 'yan ang pag-uusapan ni Doc Anna kasama ang nutritionist at content creator na si Jo Sebastian sa #ShareKoLang!

DOC ANNA: Hello mga Kapuso! Ako si Dra Anna Tuazon ang inyong kakwentuhan na psychologist sa Share ko Lang.

Nangyayari ba sa inyo minsan, kapag sobrang down tayo emotionally, doon tayo mas nagki-crave sa ating comfort food? ‘Yung gusto natin kumain nang kumain to sawa. Kung bakit, ‘yan ang pag-uusapan natin kasama ang nutritionist at content creator na si Jo Sebastian. Hi Jo, welcome to Share Ko Lang!

JO: Hi Doc, thank you po for having me. I’m very excited for this conversation.

DOC ANNA: So 'yung relationship natin with food is not just with eating it. The thing is 'di ba parang we also love to watch food? That's a big industry now. Ako, sorry, I watch food on YouTube all the time.

JO: Same. Yes.

DOC ANNA: Talagang I really enjoy it, you know, watching. And then I get hungry and then it makes me think, "Uy, parang gusto ko yata ng tonkatsu for dinner." Mga ganyan. So one offshoot of that is for example mukbang, 'di ba. 'Yung sort of binge eating videos. And it's so satisfying for so many to watch. At the same time parang hindi naman siya one way. Parang that also changes our standards of what it means to enjoy eating kasi ito medyo merong enjoy eating by eating more. So, do you have any thoughts at all about ‘yung this mukbang trend?

JO: Well, the mukbang kasi trend started off as a way to not feel lonely when you eat. Kasi iyon talaga siya.

DOC ANNA: So the social aspect now.

JO: Yeah. It was more of a broadcast you’re eating kasi. And before, people were just eating normal portions lang. Para lang may kasama ka pag kumakain ka. ‘Yung nanonood ka tapos kung ano may kasama ka. So, you don’t feel lonely. Kaso nag-change na rin. Social media kasi, syempre, kailangan entertaining.

DOC ANNA: Kailangan shocking.  

JO: Yes. If hindi, parang ayoko na ito panoorin. So that’s when mukbangs became more of a food challenge. Na parang eat all of this food. It becomes normalized na dapat ganyan ‘yung mga mukbang. Kailangan sobrang dami. So I think it was really lang the shift of the trend that made it a little bit more of a negative thing. But it started off as a very helpful, positive thing for those who live alone. ‘Yung mga kailangan ng kasama pag kumain. That social aspect was there. Social media really just changes so many things. And it gets misconstrued. So it’s important to remember that there are things for entertainment. Pagka pinapanood mo, hindi naman ibig sabihin ganyan rin sila kumain palagi. And you have to know when to understand what is for entertainment. And what is also more of what you need or what you can apply to your life.

DOC ANNA: Now, there’s another trend. Maybe not so trendy now. But I remember, ‘di ba, there was a time na ‘yung mga tao, as in sa Philippines, they were taking pictures of people eating alone in a restaurant. ‘Di ba parang medyo nagkaroon, maraming... may guilt trend pa yon.

JO: Oo. Parang may guilt shaming pa 'yon eh.

DOC ANNA: Oo nga, parang may shaming. Parang, "Kawawa naman si Kuya. Ano kaya pinagdadaanan niya?" I just remember that kasi nga sabi mo nga malaki actually ang social aspect ng eating. It’s not just our relationship with food but I guess our relationship with other people vis-à-vis food. ‘Di ba sabi nga natin ang “I love you” ng Pinoy ay "Kumain ka na ba?"

JO: Yes. Or "Tara, kain!"

DOC ANNA: Oo, ‘yun ang Tagalog ng "I love you." ‘Di ba? So, yeah. What do you think about that? Like kasi ang mga Pinoy, very social eaters. We rarely do eat alone. Although actually sa totoo lang, I enjoy eating by myself. I found, you know, I discovered that. Pero it’s not the norm. It’s not the norm. Pag pupunta ko, for one, parang ‘yung waitress parang, "One lang?" Di ba? So, tell me a little bit more about ‘yun na nga, the social aspect and maybe ‘yung solitude aspect kasi ‘yun ‘yung na-enjoy ko rin eh. 

JO: While eating alone can have its great benefits para matuto ka rin kung paano makinig sa cues mo. But also, it’s important to know what you need in the moment. ‘Pag kailangan mo nang medyo mapakinggan ‘yung cues mo, maybe it’s time to take a step back. But if you feel like you need a little bit more comfort and celebration, especially since for a long time, medyo isolated, maraming na-isolate during the pandemic, ‘di ba, sometimes people are really just craving that connection, just be mindful as you have. Hang out with your friends to still listen to your body as much as you can.

DOC ANNA: Now, nagtanong kami sa ating mga Kapuso about ‘yung mga relationship nila with food. So, ‘yung iba, tinanong namin, kung kailan sila bumabaling sa kanilang comfort food. So, ang sabi ng isa nating Kapuso, “Tuwing nalulungkot ako or stressed”. ‘Yung isa naman, “Kapag ire-reward ko sarili ko for something I achieved.” So, it’s common ‘yan. I treat myself, ‘di ba? Sabi mo nga, celebration, eating for celebration. And then, ‘yung isa pa nating Kapuso, “Kapag sobrang pagod na pagod ako, pagkain ang nagpapasaya sa akin.” What is it about food that makes us so happy?

JO: I think it’s really, one, the impact on your energy levels, ‘di ba? Kasi once you fuel your body, you’re literally giving your body energy pag kumain ka. So all of these things, I always tell my clients, it’s not a bad reason to reach for food. Kung ‘yun ‘yung nagbibigay sa’yo ng happiness, or nagbibigay sa 'yo ng company, or if it’s the one that makes you feel more, less stressed, ‘di ba? There’s always a reason, and it’s very valid. You just have to really understand kung kailan na siya nagiging only source of comfort, kung kailan natin ino-overdo, and when it’s no longer helpful. Kasi nano-notice natin na minsan, hindi na talaga siya nagiging helpful. Kaya sobrang importante rin ma-diversify natin ‘yung possible places to feel the relief that we need.

For example, ako, I usually really emotionally eat ‘pag lonely ako. So, when I feel lonely, feeling ko kasi companion ko ‘yung food. Parang hello, kami lang, bonding kami dito. But I noticed what helped me most was to talk to somebody, to play a game online with a friend, o kaya mag-cards kami ng sisters ko. It really helped lessen that loneliness. So, sometimes, mas effective rin ‘yung ibang mga strategies. Kailangan lang natin malaman kung ano ba ‘yun para may balance tayo with food and with, of course, the other coping mechanisms.

DOC ANNA: So, malaki ang difference ng "Food makes me happy" versus "Only food makes me happy". Kasi sabi mo nga ‘yung emotional toolkit or the toolbox that we have, parang if food is one of the many things that bring us joy, bring us comfort, then why not? Let food comfort us. Pero kung hindi ako kumain ngayon, hindi na ako magiging masaya, parang, teka, teka. Medyo, hold up, hold up. So, parang dapat chill lang. Kung relationship 'to with food, dapat chill lang tayo. Low maintenance, not jealous. Not clingy. ‘Di ba? Hindi ‘yung parang kailangan you and me, food, and no one else.

JO: Yes. Exactly.

DOC ANNA: So, tinanong din namin ang aming mga Kapuso kung pagkain nga ba ang solusyon nila kapag stressed sila. So, sabi ng isang Kapuso, “You can never go wrong with food as long as you control what you eat.” Sabi ng isa, “All emotions for the food talaga ako.” Ayan. Happy, sad, all of it. Food ang solusyon. ‘Yung isang Kapuso, “Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.” Mga pro-food na Kapuso natin.

So, I think na-mention na natin to, ‘di ba? Parang, pwede naman siyang stress buster, pwede siyang soother, pwede siyang comfort. Sometimes ‘yung comfort food, not because we’re sad. Comfort food because, kunyari, nostalgia for me is another big reason. I enjoy food kasi para akong time, ‘di ba I can be a time traveler ‘pag kumakain ako. It brings you back, ‘di ba?

JO: Like the perfect bowl of sinigang is just like, oh, perfect. There’s a different layer of memories.

DOC ANNA: And then the different kinds, ‘di ba? Oh, sinigang ‘to ng nanay ko. Ay, naku, sinigang ‘to ng lola ko. Right? So, it can even bring back, you know, loved ones, etc. So, you know, ‘yung that kind of comfort is, is definitely food-ish. It sounds like food is okay in that regard. Pero ‘yun na nga, if it’s the only source of comfort or kahit anong kinds of comfort that you need, sa food ka pa rin. So, kung ang comfort na actually sini-seek mo ay social company, ‘di ba, food can only go so far. And then ‘yung sinasabi mong secondary emotions, if you feel ashamed and guilt or you start to have body image issues and you judge yourself for that, mas less likely ka, ‘di ba, to seek company kasi mas nahihiya ka. So, it actually sabotages in a way the thing that you’re looking for.

JO: Yeah. It becomes a cycle essentially.

DOC ANNA: I wonder if, kasi also, parang ‘yung pagkain kasi sa Pinoy, parang napaka-ingrained sa ating cultural identity. Love language ng Pinoy ‘yan e, ‘di ba? ‘Yung pagkain, ‘yung pag-aaruga, taking care of someone, ‘yung the idea ng hospitality. ‘Di ba parang never-ending food. Ang salubong, food. So, para sa atin, ‘di ba, parang ‘yun ‘yung simbolo ng generosity natin. So, actually, kung mag-no ka doon, ‘di ba? "Oh, no, thank you, I’m full." Hala, ungrateful ka ba? Hindi mo ba na-appreciate 'yung niluto, ‘yung binigay, ‘yung niluto para sa 'yo? So, I wonder, that’s why sa atin, mas norm talaga, ‘no? Mas acceptable. And somewhat of a pressure na talagang kainin mo as much as you like kasi ‘yun din ang pag-express natin na na-appreciate natin sila.

JO: Yeah, that’s also why scarcity mindset is such a big thing for a lot of Filipinos kasi takot talaga tayong maubusan. Kaya, palagi rin tayo naghahanda ng sobrang dami na palaging leftovers, palaging gift to everyone. May take home palagi. ‘Di ba? Kasi, mayroon rin talaga tayong scarcity mindset. And ‘yung scarcity mindset na ‘yun, nagli-lead din into eating as much as you can because you’re afraid that you’re going to run out or you’re afraid na magiging rude or bad impression. So, part rin talaga siya ng, like you mentioned, it’s really culturally ingrained in many, many different ways for us. That’s why, kailangan natin maintindihan rin what role that plays so that we can address it.

DOC ANNA: What are the many, many reasons that people, you know, that determine people’s way of eating?

JO: How do we learn more about our relationship with food? And ‘yung una naming ginagawa is to dissect first, ano ‘yung nag-impact sa relationship mo with food from all of those different things. ‘Di ba? From childhood, grade school, even yesterday. Ano ‘yung mga nangyari na that impact your food choices today? And usually, nadi-divide natin ‘yun into four types of hunger.

So, number one is physical hunger. So ‘yan ‘yung literal need mo for food where if you were a car, low gas ka na, kailangan mo na talaga ng refuel.

Number two is your mouth-taste hunger. So, this is your cravings. ‘Yung, "Ay, gusto ko ng something crunchy, gusto ko ng something salty, something sweet." It’s still very valid but at least you understand na it’s mostly a mouth-taste thing rather than a physical thing.

You have practical hunger. This is where you don’t feel hungry pero alam mong kailangan mong kumain kasi magugutom ka mamaya. Or alam mong hindi mo nararamdaman ‘yung cues mo, not yet. And you have to regulate that.

And then number four is your emotional hunger which is usually ‘yung attempt natin to address something through food. Something that may or may not be addressed through food.

And ‘yung reason kung bakit importante malaman ‘to, is because iba rin ‘yung approach for each type of hunger. For physical hunger, you will of course eat something that is physically satisfying. For mouth-taste hunger, you would eat something that would satisfy that, if it’s sweet or salty. For practical hunger, then of course we have to work on our meal timing. And then for emotional hunger, it’s creating your emotional toolbox.

It’s understanding why you reach for food. But also, when you should reach for food and when you should reach for something else para magkaroon ng balance.

DOC ANNA: So actually, my question is, is it possible to have an emotional reason to eat na okay? It’s okay. Parang okay because you need to emotionally address something. So I reach out for food. Is that ever, okay?

JO: I think it is fine. It’s perfectly okay. But you have to recognize when it’s too much. ‘Yung food na lang palagi ‘yung pinupuntahan mo at wala ka ng ibang outlets to help you cope with your stress or whatever you’re feeling. But also too, you have to understand if you’re using it just to numb yourself. So you never feel what you’re feeling. So if stressed ka tapos kumakain ka lang para hindi ka na ma-stress. Pero nandun pa rin ‘yung main stressor mo. It still keeps coming back and you don’t address it. Then that’s when you have to be like, teka lang. Baka kailangan natin muna i-address ‘yung main reason why we’re stressed Rather than just turning to food.

And usually, we also experience a second level of emotional eating, which is guilt for reaching for food. ‘Yung stressed ka.

DOC ANNA: They feel bad. They feel ashamed of themselves sometimes.

JO: And it adds this extra layer of, oh well, I’m such a bad person for reaching for food when I’m stressed. Now I’m even more stressed. So nagiging like a secondary level of emotional eating. Which is, you have to remember, it’s okay to reach for food. Like, it’s fine. If it gives you what you need, go for it. But also make sure you have space to address what is causing all of this emotions. And that you also diversify your coping mechanisms as well para effective pa rin ‘yung food. And we also are able to know when it’s becoming a little bit of a negative relationship na.

DOC ANNA: So meron bang guidelines for using food to manage your emotions in a way that doesn’t get us into trouble?

JO: It’s not as clear set. Because everyone is still different in the way that they address certain things. But the first thing also I usually focus on is addressing muna your main hunger. Kasi minsan, ‘yung emotional hunger mo is actually physical hunger na super intense. So pagka sobrang gutom na gutom na gutom ka na, it feels emotional. And a lot of my clients actually experience that more. Even me. Dati akala ko emotional eater ako palagi lang kumakain pag stressed ako.

DOC ANNA: Gutom ka na pala.

JO: Yes. Na-realize ko hindi pala ako kumakain. Parang nag-skip pala ako ng breakfast. Pagka may snack, hindi ako kumakain nun. Or pag kakain ako, sobrang konti lang para lang maka-move on lang ako. And then I realize, ah sobrang gutom ko pala. Kaya ako kumakain. And then it feels emotional kasi gutom na gutom na ako.

So the first thing is to get that layer out of the way. First, make sure you are physically fed. And then now you can better understand your emotions para mas ma-pinpoint natin sila better. Like what is the best way for you to address sadness, for you to address fear or anger. Maybe it’s not actually food. Pero malalaman lang natin ‘yan pag sure na tayo na-address natin ‘yung physical hunger natin.

DOC ANNA: So, ‘yung isa nating last Kapuso, no, na nag-share, sabi niya, “Coping mechanism din kasi ng ibang tao ang pagkain laban sa stress. Na sa halip magalit o mag-tantrum sila, sa pagkain na lang nila, tinutuon.”

So, meron bang gano’n? I mean, I guess we can talk as psychologists and nutritionists, na parang, meron bang hierarchy na parang, okay, in the scheme of things, it’s not so bad.

JO: I actually see that a lot with my clients where it’s like, I always emotionally eat. Well, it’s better than harming yourself through other things, ‘di ba? It’s better than abusing alcohol as well. So, sometimes it is the lesser evil in a sense because, syempre, you know, there’s a lot of things that are way worse than food in the grand scheme of things when it comes to coping with our emotions. But then, it always comes back to recognizing when it’s too much. ‘Di ba? Because anything can always be too much. And if we put it in that hierarchy, even if it is in that hierarchy, in the excess of it all, it can still be very, very bad.

So, like we mentioned, yes, of course, food can be one of the lesser evils in terms of emotionally coping with your stress. But it can still be a very negative thing kapag na-overdo natin siya. And I know it’s hard to hear kasi parang gusto ko lang talaga ng sagot na parang ma-apply ko directly but it’s hard when you’re dealing with emotions. It’s never one size fits all. It’s never just do this, just do that. It’s really recognizing how you yourself can understand what you need and the tools you need to help you push back.

And that’s why my main, one of my favorite things to teach is curiosity rather than judgment. Kapag sobrang dami mong kinain today, kesa sa "Oh my God, ano ba ‘yan, hina-hina mo, palagi ka na lang ganyan, wala kang control", what if we ask, "Bakit ang dami ko na namang kinain, hindi ako makatigil?" Baka hindi ako kumain today, baka distracted ako kumain, baka extra level lang talaga ng stress ko today nag-build up and I really just needed a release and okay, I will just be more mindful of that next time.

So, pagka may curiosity ka, may solution ka din. "Ah, kumain ako ng sobrang dami kasi hindi ako kumain today. I’ll make sure to eat throughout the day para hindi mag-build up yung hunger." Or "Ah, sobrang dami kong kumain, kasi wala akong kinain na gulay kaya gutom na, hindi ako na-satisfy. Okay, I’ll try to add more veggies."
So, ‘yun ‘yung main approach ko when it comes to food. Be curious para may solutions ka kasi kung judgmental ka lang sa sarili mo, hanggang du'n ka na lang and then it will be a cycle again.

DOC ANNA: Yeah, and the reality is even though ako mismo ‘yung nagtatanong sa’yo ng give us something complete, kasi even if ‘di ba they’re begging for you to tell them what to eat, how to eat, and when to eat, sa totoo lang, even if you actually give them an answer, hindi naman nila susundin ‘di ba? Kasi kung gano’n lang kadali, then we would all be sticking to our diets. We would all be disciplined. So, actually, yeah, so it’s not, it’s, yeah, so even if there is an answer to that, that’s not the real answer for them. Kasi nga, sabi mo nga, at the end of the day, ikaw makakaintindi anong relationship mo sa food. Are you enemies? Are you lovers? Are you somebody?

JO: It’s complicated.
    
DOC ANNA: Okay, naku, thanks again, Jo. So ‘yun naintindihan ko talaga. Parang it’s not just about food. It’s that relationship. Which is just like any relationship. The relationship we have with others, with ourselves.
Kailangan maintindihan natin ang sarili natin. Maintindihan natin ano ‘yung silbi ng food para sa atin. And sabi mo nga, that kindness and that curiosity. And you know, 'wag natin i-judge ang sarili natin. At alamin din natin. Hindi ‘yung porke wala na, ‘di ba, 'wag na i-judge. Parang, uy, permission na ‘yan, ‘di ba? To be reckless. So with all relationships, we need to take care of it and do it responsibly.

JO: Thank you, Doc. Yes, thank you so much for this space to share this story. And I really love what you’re doing po. So thank you so much.