Psychologist on online ghosting: ‘Don’t think it’s your fault’

With online ghosting so prevalent during the pandemic, here is a reminder to prioritize self-worth.

During Bumble’s discussion on the modern dating scene in the country, Wednesday, clinical psychologist Dr. Margie Holmes said it’s unavoidable to meet people who’d treat you bad.

As such, it’s important to remember one’s self-concept, which is the knowledge of your own being.

“If someone behaves like an ass, don’t think it’s your fault. He’s an ass but maybe the next one will not be. Maybe the next one will deserve you,” she said.

“If your self-concept is real, just hold on to this and believe it,” she added. “You cannot avoid meeting up with people who don’t deserve you. Just remember it’s not about you. It’s about them.”

Multimedia journalist Ana Santos and Bumble APAC Communications Director Lucille McCart added that ghosting should be considered a “blessing” in most cases.

Instead of seeing ghosting as a rejection, Santos suggests looking at it as a beginning. "It’s an opening to other things. It’s not the end of the world, but might be the start of a new one,” Santos said.

“They’ve removed themselves from that situation and that’s allowing you to concentrate on people that will cultivate the relationship in a much better way,” McCart added.

It also helps to talk to loved ones about being ghosted as it helps “de-stigmatize” the experience.

Why do some people ghost or leave without any word?

According to Holmes, ghosting occurs when individuals want to “take the easy way out.”

“Sometimes, the person gets overwhelmed and they know they are unwilling or unable to have awkward conversation,” she said. “It’s very thoughtless.”

However, this behavior may take a toll on the person in the receiving end. In worst cases, it may lead to depression. As such, Holmes and other experts reminded that it pays to be kind.

“Just be polite to say, ‘It was nice meeting you even if you never met but it was nice talking to you. I wish you the best’ then unmatch one another,” Santos said.

“There are definitely very easy ways to not ghost someone and just say, ‘I’m not feeling a connection or I have too much going on right now,’” McCart added.

In any case, if you’ve been ghosted or not, remember that being whole is the most important factor on starting to get in a relationship of any kind.

“You are your own forever. You are your own better half. Do not forget to be kind to yourself. [Go ahead] and date yourself. Remind yourself that you’re a good person to match with,” Santos said. — LA, GMA News