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Benedict Cua to take break from work, social media: 'I'm scared to lose myself'
Benedict Cua has decided to take a break from work and social media to heal and find himself.
He made the announcement in the nearly six-minute YouTube vlog titled "Good bye, Philippines," saying he has been feeling lost lately.
"I decided to stop working for a while," he said. "I know it sounds so entitled but I feel like at this point in my life, [I'm experiencing] existential crisis where suddenly, [everything's like] back to zero."
According to the actor and vlogger, the passion he had for his craft has been gone for a while for a number of reasons, including being obligated to create content.
"I always have that urge na parang kailangan kong i-please lahat ng mga tao, I always have to be my perfect self. A lot of times, parang wala na 'kong time maging vulnerable," he said.
["I always have that urge that I need to please everyone, I always have to be my perfect self. A lot of times, it's like I don't have time to be vulnerable."]
Benedict said he's also been feeling anxious and described it as having a "dark cloud" over his head.
"Natatakot ka, kinakabahan ka [You're scared, you're nervous]. [It's like] there's a huge weight on your shoulder, on your chest," he said.
Being a social media personality for years, Benedict said he feels like he couldn't separate work from his personal life anymore. As such, he's doubting if he's walking on the right path.
"Parang 'yung buhay ko, naging vlog na, naging filming [My life became a vlog, filming]. This job is really not for everyone. At this point, I don't even think it's for me."
"There's no vacation anymore like whenever you're outside, whenever you're hanging out with your family, you always feel obligated to film everything 'cause when you don't, you feel anxious."
One event where he realized that he had to take action for his feelings was when he came home to Bulacan and felt "disappointed" with nature, which used to make him happy.
"I felt like there's no beauty in reality anymore and it scared me 'cause before, when I'm connecting with nature, I feel whole, I feel alive," he said.
Looking back, Benedict also realized how all his life, he's been "doing everything for other people."
He decided to finally make himself a priority and improve himself for a brighter future.
"I'm scared to lose myself. I'm scared that this thing that I'm feeling now, [I'll feel it] my whole life and I don't wanna live a life like that," he said.
"I just wanna be able to connect to the world again, in a way, find myself—what I really want in my life, if I’m really on the right path," he said.
He added that there's no certainty on when he will be back or if he will be posting on social media, but one thing is for sure: "I'm not gonna let myself be pressured."
Towards the end of his video, Benedict thanked his supporters and reminded everyone that it is also OK to let go "for a while if it's for yourself."
"It doesn't mean that you're irresponsible. You're trying to regain yourself so you can be better."
On Instagram, he posted photos of him on the beach, promising that he’ll "come back stronger."
Benedict is a widely followed content creator with nearly two million subscribers on YouTube, 605,000 followers on Instagram, and three million on TikTok.
He has also starred in the GMA-7 drama series "Anak ni Waray vs. Anak ni Biday."
—Franchesca Viernes/MGP, GMA News
