Claudine Barretto says she blamed herself for Rico Yan's death

Claudine Barretto opened up on the death of her ex-boyfriend Rico Yan and looked back on their relationship.

In an interview on Ogie Diaz's vlog, the actress recalled how she dealt with Rico's death and how she deeply blamed herself for what happened.

"During the time na kinu-crucify ako ng mga tao at sinasabi nila na kasalanan ko, ang hindi alam ng tao na ako rin, sinisisi ko rin ang sarili ko," Claudine said. 

She also hoped that the public had been more compassionate and understanding towards her at that time.

"Kasi kung pina-punish niyo ako, pina-punish ko rin 'yong sarili ko. Kung galit kayo sa akin, mas galit ako sa sarili ko," Claudine said.

The mom of four also revealed that she had a hard time processing things and she couldn't cry because she was angry with herself.

"So sa mga taong nagsasabi na kasalanan ko, ganon di ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. So sana mas maging understanding kayo ng kahit konti. Dahil 'yong galit niyo sa akin noon, a million times over ang galit ko sa sarili ko," she said.

Claudine also said that the love she felt for her former partner is something she will never feel again this lifetime.

"Yung love na yon, hindi na mauulit 'yon sa buong buhay ko kailanman. Magmahal man ako, it's never gonna be the same at sinisi ko ang sarili ko," she said. 

The actress also shared that Yan left a letter, admitting to his mistakes, which she remained grateful for to this day.

She then stated that this is the last time that she is going to talk about him to mark his 22nd death anniversary, but she will continue to celebrate him privately.

Claudine also clarified that she did not cheat on Rico with ex-husband Raymart Santiago. She said that she and the actor already broke up in November 2001, four months before his death but decided to stay professional as they were working on their movie "Got 2 Believe."

"Pero para lumandi or to spend time with Raymart in a romantic way, no. Hindi 'yon, alam ng Diyos 'yon," she said. 

"Alam ng Diyos, wala na lahat-lahat ng taong mahal ko. Never ko niloko si Rico," she added.

Last March 29, Claudine paid a tribute to Rico on his 22nd death anniversary. In her post, Claudine said, "March 29 my heart stopped" followed by broken heart emojis.

Rico died of cardiac arrest due to acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis on March 29, 2002. He was 27 years old.

Claudine often posts about Rico on social media. In 2021, she shared the late actor's sweet love letter for her. She would also visit Rico's grave and celebrate his birthday.

In a 2018 appearance on "Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho," Claudine admitted to having panic disorder, which for her was a result of stress from work, the death of Rico, and the shame of it all.

Some of Claudine and Rico's top films include "Got 2 Believe" and "Flames: The Movie." The longtime loveteam also appeared in the series "Mula sa Puso."

Claudine recently starred in her comeback project, "Lovers/Liars," which aired its finale in February.

—Jade Veronique Yap/MGP, GMA Integrated News