Tinder is where I go to get an ego boost and to feel the thrill of the chase

 

[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. In this week's tale, our Tinderella learns that the chase is still real and how thrilling it is. Have a story to share? Email us at submissions@gmanews.tv]

 

Can I tell you a secret? When I’m not feeling too confident about myself and I need a little ego boost, I go on Tinder.

I swear there is always at least one person there—or any dating app for that matter—who will make you feel important; who will tell you how beautiful you are.

Of course, if you’ve never felt the need to be complimented, then you’ll hate the experience and think you’re being objectified.

But dating in the digital world? I’d like to think of it as a game. You put yourself out there and you start playing.

First on your list of moves is to have a good profile photo. Men are visual beings, you see, so good profile photos will reap you some out-of-this world compliments — and then some.

Make your profile pic clear, and make sure it highlights your physical assets. I’ve been showcasing to these swipers how I’d look like in several situations: all dolled up, in a business attire, with my hair up, with my hair down, in a relaxed setting, a little cleavage, some legs.

Results vary but one thing I’ve learned: Nothing’s really changed. Men still like the chase. They will say and do the most adorable things to get what they want. Of course there are losers but that’s another story, reserved for another day. 

I matched with Sid, an Indian guy in the entertainment industry during the New Year. He was in town on vacation for the holidays. His profile had a lot of beautiful sceneries, with him somewhere in there. I didn’t really see what he looked like but I swiped right because I thought he had nice pics. After several chat exchanges, he told me I was prettier than any Indian beauty queens he had ever seen.

Wow! I thought. He’s seen a lot of Sushmitas, my profile game must be strong. I’m pretty jaded, but I was entertained; I swear the things men would do when they’re hungry.

He asked me to dinner and feeling flattered, of course I said yes. When we met for the date, it became evident why he had a lot of them scenery shots. Sid was...layogenic.

I was—to be honest, I wanted the date to end quickly. But he talked a lot and ordered a full meal, plus a shot of whisky.

When the night finally ended, I was happy to be on my way home. Then the messages started coming in: You are more beautiful than in your pictures. I replied with a curt thank you, only to be met with another invite. I politely declined.

Then he told me he really liked me, that he was hoping for more, that if he were to move to Manila for work, would I be open to exploring? Yikes.

Conclusion: There’s a reason why (a) some guys litter their profile with scenic shots and (b) some guys are so OA with flattery. If you have a heart, let them down easy. It’s always cool to be nice until provoked.

And then there’s Fred, from Nigeria living in Manila. We matched in April, with him quickly giving me his number, and I rapidly ignoring him. In July, he messaged again, and since it happened to be a lazy Sunday afternoon, I engaged. 

He asked me where I was from because I look mixed, he said. And then: “Love your hair and your legs.” He had a nice body but I was still playing, so I kept mum; I asked him what he thought of the Philippines instead.

 

We got talking until he threw another one at me: “Just went back to your profile to stare at your legs again lol”.

It intrigued me enough to agree to drinks. At the bar, the conversation was good. He interrupted three times to say he had been staring at my lips, and how beautiful they looked.

I would smile, say thank you, and feeling the ego boost, confidently go back to whatever subject we were talking about. 

I had planned to go down to the basement parking, get my car, and end the night, but I was high on his compliments that I went up to his place instead. My lips ended up kissing his, my hair ended up on his pillows, and my legs ended up wrapped around his body.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, I put on the brakes and told him it was moving too fast. He kept on with the chase for a few days more, until he messaged saying he met someone else who moves at the same pace as he was.

Conclusion: Smooth operators are great for a quick fix but don’t break your heart by expecting too much.

Finally, there was Ramon. His profile said he was cheeky and looking for a woman who knows what she wants. He called himself a Dutchie who was living in London and upon chatting, he told me he was looking to move to Manila for work. When I found out we worked in the same industry, the conversation changed. I was mentally stimulated.

He was still in London when we started chatting, but I was excited to meet this one. Unlike the other two, I felt like Ramon actually appreciated my mind.

I had to postpone our date a couple of times; my mom was ill and needed my full attention but Ramon kept at it! Every other day, he would sweetly ask how my mom was. After a month’s delay, our first date pushed through.

I saw how alpha he was—picking what to eat and drink, leading the conversation—and I liked it.

After about two hours, he said we should call it a night. “You look tired, you should go home,” he said. I glared at him in response. 

I made an extra effort to look nice on our second date; I didn’t want to be called tired again. And it worked! He complimented me on my outfit, enjoyed teasing me, and challenged what I said. I rolled my eyes one too many times and he giggled at me like a little boy. He kissed me at the end of the evening and said we should go out on the weekend.

Our succeeding dates were more of the same. I enjoyed being annoyed by him, I liked being mentally stimulated. He asked me to have sex with him more than once, saying “you know you’re attractive. Your body is in such good shape and you’re an intelligent woman”.

But I liked the thrill of the chase, so I held back. I know it added to the tension, because eight months later, despite him being back in London, we’ve kept in touch. Every now and then, he’d still message me.

We’ve one-upped our relationship and have become friends. I’ve critiqued his Tinder profile, we’ve argued a bunch of times, but we’re still talking. I think we’ve gone beyond the petty ego boost; I listen to him and trust what he has to say.

There are many ways to stroke your ego on Tinder. The trick is to discover how you want to be stroked and ride with it. And if you can’t take the heat, get out of the game! — LA, GMA News