Here's what to do when you find yourself in a misgendering situation

Over the past few days, what started out as a local incident at an establishment in Cebu has become a full-blown social media firestorm that had even gotten showbiz personality Ogie Diaz commenting.

The social media firestorm started with a post from a Facebook user named John Calderon, who wrote about an event that happened on July 21 at Ulli's restairaunt at Ayala Center Cebu. According to his account, a waiter at the restaurant was forced to stand in front of Jude Bacalso, a Cebu-based writer and former television personality, for close to two hours. After the encounter with Bacalso, Calderon claimed that the server “broke down into tears”.

Cebu Daily News then reported that Bacalso first addressed the viral post in a now-deleted Facebook post of her own, writing that the incident was a “series of errors” but denied that she screamed and shouted at the waiter and said that it was an opportunity to educate.

However, the explanation did nothing to calm down the angry crowd drawn by the viral incident, which had spread past Cebu and had even prompted Ogie Diaz to comment that the apology from the waiter should have been enough for Bacalso. Earlier today, Bacalso released another statement on Facebook, sharing that she had settled the matter with restaurant management and that she intended to apologize to the waiter involved in the incident.

Since its posting, Bacalso's Facebook statement has been inundated with transphobic comments from people all over the country misgendering her. Other posts on her Facebook account have also been filled with comments misgendering her, with several names making multiple appearances.

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While knowledge of sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression (SOGIE) is increasing among Filipinos, this new incident has shown that there is still knowledge gaps to be filled when it comes to the average Filipino citizen. Here are the reasons why misgendering matter, how one should react if they are misgendered, and how one should act if they misgender somone.

What is misgendering and why does it matter?

According to the Oxford Learner's Dictionary, misgendering is when someone refers to somebody in a way that does not represent the gender that they identify as.

Sabrina L. Katz-Wise, PhD is an assistant professor in adolescent/young adult medicine at Boston Children's Hospital, in pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, and in social and behavioral sciences at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, explained in an article published on the Harvard Medical School website that misgendering is “exhausting and demoralizing” for transgender and non-binary people.

“When people are misgendered, they feel invalidated and unseen. When this happens daily, it becomes a burden that can negatively impact their mental health and their ability to function in the world,” she writes.

While people may only see one incident, Katz-Wise writes that transgender and non-binary people will have probably been misgendered “multiple times a day”, either “in person, over the phone, or via email.”

A study published in the 2016 Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine has shown that there is a 32 percent to 50 percent suicide attempt rate among transgender persons across countries, caused by factors like gender-based victimization, discrimination, bullying, and violence.

How should one react if they are misgendered?

Mental Health America, a non-profit that works to promote overall mental health for all, has the following suggestions on how to address a misgendering situation.

According to the group, the first thing to do for the person being misgendered is to see if they are doing this intentionally or by mistake. People who unintentionally misgender people are often apologetic and are not upset or offended when corrected. The group also recommends simply telling the person misgendering you the right words to use.

However, if someone is purposely misgendering you, the non-profit advises considering the environment one is in and ensure that they are in a safe environment before correcting someone for misgendering you.

What do you do when you misgender someone?

According to Katz-Wise, the best thing to do is to avoid misgendering someone in the first place. She advises not making assumptions about a person's names, pronouns, or honorifics based on how they look. She also suggests taking a pause before addressing someone as most misgendering incidents happen because other people are stressed or busy. If you find yourself misgendering someone unintentionally, she recommends simply apologizing and keeping it brief.