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Claudine Barretto says Rico's death is a hurt that she carries every day
On Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho Sunday, actor Claudine Barretto admitted she has panic disorder, having been diagnosed in 2002 after her ex-boyfriend Rico Yan died in the same year.
“Yes, yun yung naging sakit ko talaga, yung [feeling na] parang drowning. I kept it all to myself, pero hindi mo rin matago nang matagal kasi…biglang for a few minutes, she can’t breathe, or you start crying because you’re just sinking, you’re drowning. Hindi ko ma-explain yung iba pang feeling,” Barretto said.
At that time, Claudine was at the top of her game, starring in telenovelas one after another, doing movies in between, magazine covers, endorsements.
READ: Claudine Barretto opens up about having panic disorder
While she was asked if she wanted to take a rest to grieve Rico’s death properly, she turned the offer down. “I said no kasi ang daming umaasa na crew and staff na sa lahat ng soap operas ko. [But also], I wanted to tire myself para pag-uwi ko talagang tulog na lang, hindi ko na maiisip yung pagkamatay ng ex-boyfriend ko.”
Her very first panic attack happened at work. It started as cold sweats and then the feeling of being unable to breathe. “Para akong magkaka-heart attack, yung feeling na ganun tas lumiliit yung kwarto.”
It didn’t help that the death was surrounded by controversy. “Yung humiliation, the public humiliation, and the shame was so bad talaga,” she continued.
According to Claudine, Rico's death is a hurt that she carries every single day as she goes through her life.
A post shared by Claudine Barretto (@claubarretto) on
“I tried to leave that part behind when I got married kasi syempre I had to focus on my husband and my children, but it was always there. Pagka birthday, nandiyan na naman ako. And kahit papaano naman, naging supportive yung ex-husband ko,” said Claudine.
Eventually, she found her psychiatrist, Dr. Babes Manalo, with whom she realized, there is a way out.
On her Instagram account, Claudine’s followers are occasionally treated to Rico-related posts. According to Claudine, those as well as visiting his grave are “the only things na puwede kong gawin. I wasn’t able to say goodbye, or naalagaan siya bago siya nawala.”
Claudine decided to come out in the open about her mental disorder to be able to help others out. "May solution. There is a way out," she said. — LA, GMA News
